Finding beauty in the mundane

At the meeting I did not share with anyone how I was feeling and left the meeting feeling more lonely that before. I started to have that negative self talk going "no one cares about you", "don't bother telling anyone what is up they wont care", "just call your best friend and tell her you are sorry, you aren't special or worthy enough to be expecting friends that treat you with mutual respect". I heard this over and over in my head and I nearly began to believe it.

So much change

Mostly what I mourn is the loss of faith in love. I really thought my husband and I were special. That our love was unbreakable. That he cared for me more than himself and that there was nothing that could keep him from me. But I was wrong. I am learning that humans are not capable of being completely selfless and giving unconditional love especially if they themselves are not healthy and whole. So for now I think of him when it is safe. I pray for him and her daily and truly hope that that he finds happiness. Just not before me. 🙂